Yoga and Me

So, I’ve always thought of the way my body works as a sort of company. My head is obviously the system in charge, and major systems, for example, the digestive tract, reproductive tract, are the different departments. Various organs and other minor systems  act under the authority of their larger department. I have a whole thing about pregnancy and how the whole system is off kilter, and I’ll share it one time. But today, I think my body is having a meeting…and potentially planning a strike.

On Saturday, I went to yoga. I have been in the past, and loved it mucho. But I haven’t been for probably a year, and, truth be told, I probably weigh more than I did a year ago. Ok, so I DO weigh more. Hence, the yoga. I feel like it’s a start. More on this later.

ANYWAY (I’m a very easily sidetracked talker, and writer) I know I haven’t been for a while, so I was prepared to take it easy. The yoga is Ashtanga which means Sun Salutations, which I love love love:)

So we start, and right away, my body is like, um, what? A message is sent from Muscles to Head, “What the crap is she doing?”  Now, Head did not mention the yoga before, because she knew what would happen. Whining. So Head sends a memo back, “Suck it up, she’s all determined to get healthy, just do your best.”

After about 15 minutes, Muscles, especially arms and shoulders, send another, more urgent message. Head ignores the message. Calves and hamstrings send their own message. Ignored. Head is busy concentrating on Balance. Balance is an under utilized system for me. I don’t ask much of that system…I picture Balance as a sort of very very old person…a teetering, napping person. Probably needs to retire and we need to hire a new person, but hello! it’s a huge hassle to bring on a new guy, right? So, Head’s hands are full trying to keep us all upright, or at least not crashing to the ground.

Every new move brings a flurry of memos upstairs, all ignored. Head has basically taken over balance, and is now trying to benefit from the Yoga experience (meditation is supposed to be so good for you, right?) Lungs are focused on correct breathing in and out, and the also underused Sweat Glands are suddenly called into action, “Get over here! She’s overheating!” I picture my Sweat people as a sort of team of fat guys, watching sports reruns and eating nachos. Sad, I know.

By the time we are laying down, in the actual meditation phase, Body is exhausted and confused. Why the heck would she do this to us, with no warning? What if she does it again? What gives? Head is tired too, but still trying to benefit from meditation. Bladder sends a message, “Better get her up somehow, or we’re going to have a problem.”

After last night’s healthy dinner, Digestion is all freaking out. Muscles are still complaining but everyone else seems to have calmed down.  I know they are bugged with me, and planning their revolt. I know the next time I jump up to go exercise, we’re going to have labor problems, a strike even. There will be negotiations…”Just give us 1o more minutes, and we’ll make it worth your while. A nap! or a healthy snack!” Digestion groans and prepares to alert her people, “Looks like we’re done with the Twinkies, guys, Head says, brace for raw veggies.”

I just feel sorry for them all. Poor guys. They should have seen it coming, I mean, all those Biggest Loser episodes, and that produce I bought… I guess I’m probably not going to mention the treadmill plans…let’s just let them be surprised.

I gotta go, Bladder is freaking out.