It has come to my attention that not everyone completely understands me when I talk. I do not have a speech impediment or a strong accent. What I do have is the tendency to speak Mom, and those around me do not always understand what I’m talking about. Including my kids, but they get confused because there are so many different languages or rather, dialects? spoken in our home. For example, when your teenager tells her friend someone is ‘toasty’, she does not mean they are warm and dry. She means they are extremely attractive, and ‘they’ is a boy. We also speak toddler here, and 11 yr old boy, which those of you who have heard it know it to be a difficult language with lots of grunting. It is the pre-cursor to Man, which is just about impossible. The only way to sort of understand Man is to cry, and then he says, “sorry”, and you can understand that.
Back to Mom. I cannot help you with TeenGirl. Good luck with Toddler, since every single toddler invents his or her own peculiar variations. I actually know quite a bit of Man, but that’s for another day.
Back to Mom…again. Here are a few important phrases:
“Just a sec.” Means, Never. I want to be there in a sec, but I will forget all about you when you leave, and get distracted by dishes and laundry and Dad.
“I’ll be right there.” Means, I’m not coming. I want to come, but I’m changing a diaper, and then I’m going to wash my hands and notice that the bathroom is a catastrophe, and I’ll start cleaning it, and take the laundry in it downstairs and start the washer and fold some stuff and forget all about you. If you are somewhere and need a ride, call me repeatedly, and text. If that fails, call Dad.
“Dinner will be ready soon.” Means, someday I will make dinner. Don’t leave, because the minute you are gone, I will forget about dinner and wander back to the laundry room.
“Go ask Dad.” Means, Go ask your Dad, because I want to say ‘no’, but Dad will say yes. I’m giving you a chance.
“Where’s Dad.” Means Go Away. I’m on the phone, or in the bathroom, and you DO have a second parent. He can give permission, answer easy questions, and keep you distracted til I am available.
“Do you have any plans this weekend?” Means, you do NOT have plans this weekend, I am running away to Payless, and Kohl’s and Cafe Rio and Ikea and I might come back for church on Sunday.
“Clean your room.” Means, you are not leaving this house until DAD says your room is clean, which will be never. You know your father.
“Just a cotton-picking minute!” Means, if you ask me again, I will smack you, or at least imagine myself smacking you, and as an alternative, I will ground you.
“In a minute, you will get everything you deserve.” Means, when my hands and brain are free, you and I will discuss ‘deserve’ and ‘chores’ and ‘spotless bathrooms’.
“I love you.” Means, I love you with all my heart. I would die for you, starve for you, kill for you. Be safe, be smart, be good. You are my life. It doesn’t matter how old you are, where you are, or what you do wrong. You are an amazing person and I adore you.
Love, love, love this Maren! But at my house “Go ask your Dad” means I don’t have a good reason for saying no, but when you go ask him he will say no (his atomatic response is no) and since that is a double veto it works the same as a reason.
Love this!!! Of course I am a MOM too!!