Almost every time I leave my house, someone asks me if I am going to have anymore kids.
“Wow, cute girls. Are you done?”
“Five girls? Are you going to have anymore?”
“What a pretty baby. Is she your last one?”
“Five, eh? Ha Ha. Think you could be done? Ha Ha”
I have heard pretty much every single variation of this question.
If you think about it, it’s a pretty personal question for random grocery store/library/gas station chit-chat. Despite this, I usually try to chuckle and say something witty.
If it’s a bad day I say something along the lines of, “Oh, I could be.” (cynical voice) or
“You better believe it! Ha ha ha!” (again cynical or perhaps maybe more maniacal voice)
If it’s a good day I say, “Well, you never know. They’re pretty cute,” or
“I don’t know, I sure love my babies.” (followed by sweet mom smile and maybe a pat on the head of one of my girls)
But really, what I want to say, is “How the heck should I know” or “I sure hope God tells me it is,” or sometimes I just want to say something really polite like, “Bug off, nosy.”
Here’s how it is. When I decided to have Tiny Baby I was really, really positive that she was my last one. I seriously went around chuckling the phrase, “Final Five,” to myself. And when I look at humongous pictures of myself 9 months pregnant with her, I definitely think, “No possible way am I doing that again.” And you would think that after staying up with her night after night and holding her all day, I would be able to say categorically, “Enough is enough.”
But frankly, I love my babies. They are delightful. They are super cute. No matter how bad they are all night, I find myself singing little love songs to them while I change their diaper in the morning. I ran across a few pictures of Miss 8 as a baby that I hadn’t seen for awhile, and I practically couldn’t breathe, I was so overcome with emotion. My own love for her terrified me.
How do I say goodbye to that? How do I say, I will never have another one of these little treasures?
It is a really hard phase of life to let go of.
So there you have it. There’s the answer. I have no idea. I’m not exactly saying I want another one. I’m not exactly saying I don’t. I’m just saying that if you think about it, that really is one heck of a question to ask a woman who’s just trying to grab her Diet Coke and get down to the elementary school on time.
