The following is a true to life, play by play, description of my quest to get Miss 2 her new glasses. When you’re done reading this, you may come to the conclusion that I am an idiot. You may see a little of yourself in this and be too ashamed to admit it. You may even pity me. I hope you will laugh, and laugh, and laugh. Like I will be doing after years and years of therapy. . . .
Day 1. I leave the house for Miss 2’s appointment unaware that she will even need new glasses. I am thinking I will visit the optical center that shares office space with the doctor just so they can fix Miss 2’s nose pieces. (She chews them off. Repeatedly.) I learn that the optical center has changed locations. Rats. She’ll have to keep wearing the chewed glasses a little longer. When I receive the new prescription from the doctor, I tell her I’m going to Wal-mart to get the new glasses. (I’m trying to avoid the Cost of the optical center.) She warns me that they won’t have a tiny enough size. I foolishly, foolishly, shake off her warning. (oh, the horror of 15/20 hindsight.)
Day 2. I am too *?!!&#@$%&*!! busy to worry about the glasses.
Day 3. See Day 2.
Day 4. I drop off Miss 5 at preschool and head to Wal-mart. Naturally, as I had been warned/cursed, they do not have the right size. But The Helpful Lady does recommend another place to try. She gives me some vague directions that I sort of understand. Still thinking I am going to save money on this deal, I head out. Twenty minutes later, I have driven past the described area where the place is supposed to be and I have found nothing. I end up on the phone with a sister, (who doesn’t even live in my state!), crazily asking her to google map the address and describe what she sees. She assures me I am in the area, but I realize it’s too late for today. I’ve got to get back to preschool for Miss 5. I’ll try again tomorrow.
Day 5 Part 1. I wake up optimistic. Today is the day. I know right where to go and I am going to order the glasses for sure! I drive to the place. I find it this time! I go inside without the kids to check it out. It looks promising so I unload the van and head in. They even have toys for Miss 5 to play with while I search through possible frames for Miss 2. Nirvana. I actually pick out glasses and head to the back to fill out order forms with Helpful Lady #2. Then I get the bad news. Our insurance doesn’t actually cover glasses from this place. Curses!! Foiled Again!!
Day 5 Part 2. I check my watch. I decide to try to find the optical center that used to be at the eye doctor’s office. It is now supposed to be located across the street from the Hospital. I know where that is because I’ve had tons of baby doctor appointments there. I am enthusiastic! I drive and drive and realize I’ve passed it. (Maybe it’s been longer than I think since I’ve been to this hospital.) I should’ve recognized it, but no matter. I will just turn around. I drive by the hospital, scanning the street for the optical center sign. I don’t spot it. I turn around, again. Miss 5 asks if we’re lost. Miss 2 asks for food. (lately she asks for food whenever we leave the house, but oddly will not touch food when we are in the house.) On the 2nd ( or is it the 3rd?) drive by, I see the sign. Great! Now I’m heading the wrong direction, but it’ll just be a little matter of turning around and then I’ll drive right to it. Okay. I’m heading toward it. I see the sign. But I can’t see where I should turn in- OH NO! OH NO! I do not want to turn around again! AHH!! Too late. I missed it! Around I go! After a couple more turn arounds, I am determined. I will turn in where ever I can and just hope the parking lots connect. I turn in at a Taco Bell only to discover that they do not connect. I seriously cannot find a way into this optical center. Is this really happening? I pull out, thinking my turn is just ahead. I think, I see, Could it be? NO-O-O-O-O!!!! It’s not a turn-in! IT’S THE FREAKIN’ ON-RAMP FOR THE FREEWAY!!
*At this point, I was coming unglued*
Day 5 Part 3. As I cruise down the freeway, with my sanity blowing in the wind, I debate my options. I could just bag it and try tomorrow but Miss 8 has ballet dress rehearsal tomorrow and the timing of all this could get tricky. I don’t want to try tomorrow. I have invested too much. All that turning around cannot be in vain! (I wave a mental fist in the air.) I remember the eye doctor mentioning that the optical center has another office on “C” street. I decide to call and try to nail down an address. I speak to a nice receptionist who assures me that the optical center has indeed opened an office on “C” street- right by Hospital #2. I hang up, wondering how I will get to “C” street because I don’t know exactly where it is. Then I look up and see an Exit sign for “C” street coming right up! This day is totally turning around. I am filled with hope! I amazingly drive right to Hospital #2. I see the address the receptionist gave me. I park the van, fill my stroller with kids and head inside. Once inside I Actually Find The Optical Center! And there is even a lady I recognize from the old office. I am profoundly grateful. We try glasses on Miss 2. We order them. I have not avoided Cost and I do not care one single bit. I will never try to buy Miss 2’s glasses anywhere else. Ever. Well, at least not until her face grows.
Day 5 Part 4. This ridiculous tale is not quite over. I still need to get to the girl’s school on time and I have no idea how to get there from “C” Street. I just start driving, with my eye on my compass and a prayer in my heart. Before I know it, I ACTUALLY RECOGNIZE THE STREET I AM ON. I look at the clock. I have ten minutes to get to the school and I am ten minutes away. I am going to make it to the school ON TIME. It is a MIRACLE!!! Tiny Baby and Miss 2 are asleep. Miss 5 is happy we are not lost anymore. I am happy this whole ordeal is practically behind me. I will go home, have a Diet Coke, and stay away from my van for as long as I can.
