Hide and Seek, Preschool Style

First, some background. I don’t like this game. NO, it’s not because I’m some kind of fun-sucking game-Scrooge. It’s because it is loud, dumb, and someone always, Always, ALWAYS ends up crying.

ALWAYS.

So, when I hear the children saying, “Let’s play Hide and Seek!”

I say, “No.”

Then they say, “But why? We love it!”

I say, “No you don’t, you always end up crying!”

Then they say, “We won’t cry this time, we promise!”

I can tell you right now, this, is a lie.

They WILL cry.

But I say, “Ok, but NO crying!”

The players today are:

Miss V: a smart 5 year old. Very tiny, able to fit in small places. Her favorite hiding place is: Under the couch. (more on this later)

Mr. W: smart, wily 4 year old. Instigator of the ‘hooker incident’ at snack the other day. (more on that tomorrow) favorite hiding place: The Dresser.

Miss M: Red headed. Able to think things through a little better than your average kid. Authoritative. (I’m trying not to say Bossy, because she’s a girl and that’s out) Willing to go along with a bad idea. The only child who does not hide in the same place every time.

Miss K: 3 years old, best friends with Miss K2. Together, they are Trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with P and that starts with …wait, wrong story. Well, if this WAS River City, I think you know where this would be headed. Favorite hiding place:  Wherever someone else is hiding so she can rat them out, get yelled at and cry.

Miss K2: 2 years old, best friends with Miss K, still believes that covering your eyes constitutes invisibility.

Mr. M: 2 years old. Cannot hide to save his fat little life. Runs about revealing hiders, getting yelled at and laughing maniacally. Also, enthusiastically repeats the last word of everything we all say.

Mr. J7: 7 years old, too big to hide most places and is too claustrophobic to try the rest. Is not playing, but critiquing the performance of the rest of the players.

Here we go.

Miss V: Let’s play Hide and Seek! Other kids: Yay!!!! Miss V: I’ll count. Children start screaming. Miss V: HIDE!!! Children start running amok (Amok! Amok! Amok!) Miss V(counting): 1, 2, 3, 6,7, no wait, I missed 4, I think. Maren? Did I say 4? Me: No. Miss V: (counting): 4, giggles, No! That’s not it! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7……

Meanwhile, children are attempting to hide themselves. There are 4 favorite hiding spots: 1. Under the couch. (only one kid fits under our couch, and she is counting. Miss K2 thinks she can hide under the couch but her diapered rear end is too much. She mostly sticks her head under and closes her eyes.) 2. Under the table (there is a very small table in the middle of the room, it has four legs and no coverage, but remains a favorite spot). 3. In the door of the brown dresser (we have a dresser which on one side has 5 little drawers and on the other, a door behind which a medium sized child withno fears of the dark or small spaces may hide) . 4. Behind the big chair. (There is a big chair. Blair is sitting in it. Children are hiding behind it)

These are considered the prime spots, all others are deemed as “baby spots” or the equivalent of covering your eyes in order to become invisible, which, both 2 year olds are attempting.

Mr. W boy has folded himself into the dresser spot, but cannot shut the door by himself. He gets out, and approaches Miss V, still counting, “13, 14, 15…..”

Boy: Can you shut the door for me?

Mr. M: Door!

Miss V: Yes.

With one hand covering her eyes, presumably to avoid seeing his hiding spot,  Miss V, still counting is now helping Mr. W, by shutting the door to his hiding spot.

Mr. J7, with incredulous look: She’s going to remember where you were hiding!

Mr. M: Hiding! Hiding!

Mr. W: But her eyes were closed.

Mr. M: Closed! Closed!

Miss V has somehow managed to reach the high 90’s, despite the fact that she was in the teens moments previously.

She gleefully shouts: 100! Ready or not! Here I come!

Mr. M: Come! Come!

Miss K, who forgot to hide, begins to cry. I have her sit on the couch, beneath which, is Miss K2’s head, with her fuzzy pink bum sticking out.

Miss V skips happily to the dresser door she just shut, opens it, and shouts:  I found you!

Mr. M: You! You!

Mr. W accuses her of cheating.

Miss V defends herself vehemently and tells on Mr. W.

Miss V: Mr. W says I cheated, but I didn’t!! (tears are threatening)

Mr. M: Didn’t!

Mr. W: She peeked where I was hiding in that door!

Mr. M: Door!

Miss V: My eyes were shut the whole time!

Mr M: Time!

Me: Go look for the other kids.

Mr. M: Kids!

Miss V: Oh yeah! (giggles) I forgot!

She and Mr. W start the exhaustive search of the entire 500 sq. ft. where two other children are sort of hiding. Interestingly, Miss K2’s exposed bum has gone as yet unnoticed.

Miss V: Where is Miss M?

Mr. M: M! M!

Mr. W: Behind the big chair.

Mr. M: Chair! Chair!

Miss M: (Outraged!) Mr. W! You are NOT supposed to tell where people are hiding! Maren! He’s telling where people are hiding!

Me: Mr. W, don’t tell where people are hiding.

Blair: Unless they are criminals, and wanted by the police, and there is a reward. Then, you should tell.

There is dead silence for 3 full seconds while we all pause to consider this.

Miss K2 yells from semi-under the couch: You didn’t find me!

Miss V: (giggling) Oh yeah! I forgot! Found you!

Miss K2 pulls her head out from under the couch.

A discussion over who will count next ensues. Miss K2 cannot count, so she’s out. Miss M was the last person found who can count , but she has announced she will not play with Mr. W, because he tells where people are hiding. Mr. W wants to count, but Miss V’s sense of fair play renders this suggestion impossible. Miss K can count, but when it is suggested she do so, she reminds them that she did not have time to hide and they are all mean and then she cries.

Mr. M starts running in circles, laughing like a loon.

Miss V cries because no one will play the game right.

Mr. W is crying because Miss V said he cheats.

I am crying because I am thinking I should have become a criminal lawyer for the reduced stress.

Blair suggests coloring.

Smiles all around.

Nice save, honey!