I post on Fridays and usually I have a good idea of what I want to say long before the day approaches. This week the blog had an interesting week. My sister (as most of you know) blogged about Barry Manilow and the concert that was cancelled. My goodness, the responses were amazing! Barry is one lucky man, he has some of the most devoted fan(addicts) ever. They are very loyal. I also learned a lot about Manilow too. I learned he has a show in Vegas, and has a new cd coming out called 15 Minutes being sold on QVC. I learned he has a manager named Garry (sp?) and a personal assistant named Marc. It was an interesting education for me. Our little blog had over 1000 hits this week.
That being said, I am not going to post about Barry. Instead, I want to write about a shocking thing. I was flipping channels on the t.v. and paused for a moment to hear Chelsea Handler’s monologue—and was astonished to hear her say something I agreed with.
She was referring to the Canadian couple that is planning to raise their youngest child ‘genderless’. She stated that she thought it was crazy! And I found myself agreeing with her. In the interest of fairness, I decided to google this story and read more about it.
I read about how Kathy Witterick, 38, and David Stocker, 39, want to raise their child free of the constraints of gender stereotypes. I read that baby Storm has two older brothers Jazz and Kio. I know baby Storm was born in a birthing pool and will most likely be ‘unschooled’ (similiar to home schooling but guided solely by the child’s curiosity). I learned the family co-sleeps. I learned that Jazz and Kio are allowed to choose their own hair styles and clothing. Jazz often chooses pink clothing from the girls department.
I also learned that there is another family in Sweden doing the same thing with their young child, Pop. I learned everyone has an opinion, and tons of people are freaking out about this. However, since this is my blog I get to give my opinion.
Those people are nuts. Gender is physically determined. Physically and genetically a person is a male or a female. That is Anatomy 101. Almost all of nature has male and female. And while Kathy and David are striving to be so liberal, they are already teaching their children gender stereotypes. Mom Kathy is, by her own description, a “stay at home” mom, while Dad is the breadwinner. Mom Kathy has a trendy hairstyle and both parents wear gender typical clothing. The dad does not run around in a dress. 
Basically my point is that by trying to hard too create a gender free environment, the entire focus of these children’s childhood is going to be on gender. Why else would 5 year old Jazz have a notebook that reads ‘The Gender Explorer”. In purple and pink lettering, adorned with butterflies, it reads: “Help girls do boy things. Help boys do girl things. Let your kid be whoever they are!” Jazz did not come up with that from his own curiosity. I have three boys–their curiosity has been all about bugs, fire, bodily functions and dinosaurs. I gave them dolls and they did not cuddle and kiss them, they made the dolls fly, used them as swords, or dinosaur victims.
I understand that Kathy and David read X: A Fabulous Child’s Story Louis Gould and that it is part of the reason behind the social experiment. I read it too, so I could try and see where they were coming from. One GIANT problem , it is fiction NOT real life. These parents are making a life changing decision for their children based on a fictional story with a happily ever after ending! News flash—Happily ever after is not always real life.
Storm is either a boy or a girl–regardless of apparel, job, or interests. Just like Mom Kathy is a woman/female/girl and Dad David is a dad/male/boy. Not giving your child any gender identity is, in my opinion, irresponsible parenting.
“…the entire focus of these children’s childhood is going to be on gender”
Yup!
“Not giving your child any gender identity is, in my opinion, irresponsible parenting.”
Double yup, and to add, not really parenting at all.
I just wonder if they’re not saying, you are nobody!
I know right?
I think it’s impossible to do genderless parenting because you gave birth to a male or a female and that is a fact that cannot be changed. Trying to ignore it, hide it, or run away from it is only going to confuse the kids.
Totally!
When I was a little girl I was definitely a “tomboy.” I loved to climb trees, dig in the dirt, play with cars…and was always playing either “war” or “gangsters” with the neighbor boys. (I did do the “doll thing,” but preferred hangin’ with the guys.) While my parents didn’t “reinforce” my gender, I grew up to be (*gasp*) A WOMAN (‘cuz – surprise, surprise – I was female all along).
I have a very good friend who, with her husband, decided to do the same sort of thing about religious-reinforcement. She was a lapsed Anglican and I have no idea what he was. They basically gave their children (all adopted) no “religious” instruction at all…none. No spiritual guidance whatsoever. “They’ll make their own decisions when they’re older.” Problem is…they’re older now and have little moral foundation for life. The girls have gotten heavy into drugs and smoking and a LOT of promiscuity and to say their lives are screwed up would be putting it mildly. The direction of their lives is now determined by the choices they made thanks to the “no lessons” they were given when they were young.
I think we do our children a HUGE disservice when we do not teach them and guide them with the good lessons we were given as children (and the societal norms and mores that most people live by). Even with those guiding principles, children often make their own choices upon reaching adulthood, but they have been given a basic foundation from which to build their lives on. That’s the whole point of parents…they’re there to guide and instruct. If they weren’t necessary we could go to Aldous Huxley’s model from “Brave New World” and have assembly line nurseries. A whole generation of young people “schooled” only by where their curiosity leads them scares me to death!
Bravo! well put!:)
I totally agree Nedra!
I guess one problem I have with this is that I DO focus on my children’s gender- because I want them to embrace what becoming a man is all about. I let them know what expectations I have for them, and that I believe their Father in Heaven has for them. If someone were to come along and say, becoming a breadwinner for your family, and being a strong man is not important and maybe you should choose to be a woman, I would not be happy. I am teaching my boys to cook, and clean, and will teach them how to sew on a button in a few years. I will take that training further if they want, but they know I do not expect them to be like me in every way and talent, I just want to teach them survival skills. This is not about boys jobs and girls jobs. I love my boys for who they are and part of who they are IS their gender. Will they live up to all of the expectations I have for them? Maybe not, but I will always love them and except them; I just hope they will always be able to say that they love and except themselves as well.
I agree with you April. I do want my boys and my girl to embrace who they are and their gender. Thanks for commenting. 🙂
I see where they’re going with this, I guess. I have no opinion about how other people raise their kids. Unless they are doing it for media coverage.
I can see how you feel like it’s their kids, therefore their business. But we all live together in society and no matter what, our choices and ideas affect one another.
I totally agree w/ your post–and a lot of the comments. I think they are doing their child a great disservice by keeping the baby “genderless.” Gender is definitely part of who you are!
Thanks for your comment, Jennifer. We’re so glad to see you here:) It sure does seem like there are plenty of things for kids to deal with, without the most essential part of themselves being in question. And having the other kids keep the gender a secret seems a little creepy to me.
I know, it seems so crazy doesn’t?