What If I don’t Cure Cancer?

So,  last year, when we were trying to sort out Timothy’s increase in seizure activity, I was concerned about the effect this new development would have on Timothy’s quality (and quantity) of life. He doesn’t speak, or use the bathroom, and only has the very rudimentary beginnings of communication, although he is almost 8 years old. In researching seizures and Timothy’s specific difficulties, I came across an article in which the mother of a severly disabled youngster was spending a great deal of money and time on experimental treatments. In the comment section, a person had asked her why she was ‘wasting’ all those resources? ‘After all,’ the commenter went on to say, ‘it’s not like your kid is going to cure cancer or something.’ Needless to say, follow up comments cannot be repeated on this blog.

In retrospect, I was thinking about how ‘important’ an individual’s life is and what exactly is the definition of ‘important’. What if our only justification for being allowed to live were the contribution we might make to the good of mankind? And how is that contribution to be measured? IQ?  Grades? Degrees? Diplomas? Salary? World Recognition? Hits on YouTube?

I imagine everyone reading this remembers some person in their life who made a huge difference in the direction of their life’s path. Someone whose words or example you remember as being a turning point or a bump or a wake up. The person I remember isn’t famous.  She lives comfortably, but not in great wealth. She does not have her own YouTube channel (I checked, just in case).  Most of our moms aren’t famous, or wealthy, or about to win any Nobel prizes. Many of our mom’s aren’t on this earth any longer, but do they suddenly cease to influence us?

My point is, we don’t know how many lives we affect or in what way we are an effect. We can’t possibly know if our words are being repeated to others, or in a person’s private thoughts, as a mantra, or comfort, or advice. Every life we touch doesn’t come back to us with graphs detailing our influence. There are people out there who have affected the way I raise my kids, participate in my marriage, eat, and decorate my home, who do not know I was watching them, or that I am now emulating them.

It has made me acutely aware. Aware of not living with blinders on, blithely assuming no one cares what I do. My actions have consequences, seen and unseen. My choices and words may or may not affect many, and those people may not be in my chosen demographic. A person watching in the grocery store the way I treat my child, my husband or the checker, may follow my lead, feeling justified. That person may be 6, 16, or 60.

And people like Tim.  Or you. How do you measure the worth of a life? After all, no one alive so far has actually cured cancer…or the common cold.  Are our lives meaningful? Would you call your life extraordinary? Probably not, although, comparing lives, no one yet has lived your exact life, which, by definition, makes your life different, unique, and NOT ordinary.

And yet, my guess is that you may be on someone’s mind, either as an inspiration or a warning….

Tim may not ever speak, but he absolutely influences those around him, inspiring kindness, acceptance, and a desire to serve. He may also make people uncomfortable, nervous, or embarrassed. But he does influence. His life serves a purpose.

All of our lives do. It doesn’t matter whether or not we are married, whether we are a mother of 0 or 8. It doesn’t appear to make a bit of difference whether we are rich or poor, happy or unhappy, famous or not. We affect others. Our lives cause others to change either for the better or the opposite. We inspire, influence, touch, impress, sway and in many ways are an example to humankind. For good, or otherwise.

You can never really live anyone else’s life, not even your
child’s. The influence you exert is through your own life, and what you’ve
become yourself.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Now, you just go home and think about that!:)