Wake-Up-and-Worry Syndrome

For years I have been afflicted by what I like to call, Wake-Up-and-Worry Syndrome.  In college, when I was busy all day going to class and working, at night I would lie awake thinking of things I needed to get done-   impossible errands that I could never run in the middle of the night because things like banks are closed and all the bankers and tellers are home sleeping peacefully. 

Now as a mom, I have plenty of time for errands, so I wake up to worry about what things I did wrong in the day, agonize over how I must change my ways, and make apologies or plans for new courses of action.  Or I sometimes set new goals and worry over grandiose new plans of things I want to accomplish.  I have realized that it is fruitless to worry this way, so I have some rules, which I will share for the benefit of others who may suffer from the same syndrome. 

First, I remind myself that it is the middle of the night.  Since I am not a swing shift or graveyard shift worker, I remind myself that in the night there is nothing I am supposed to be doing, except sleeping.  (Well, besides feeding the baby, but I pretty much do that in my sleep and it certainly doesn’t require worrying or even actual total consciousness.)  I just say to myself, ‘you can not get this done right now.  The only thing you need to do right now is sleep so you will be able to take care of all these things in the morning.’  It generally works out pretty good for me, since I truly enjoy sleeping, and I put my mind at ease and go back to dreamland.

Besides this reminder, there is also one major rule that I always adhere to, that must never be broken, no matter what.  That rule is:  do not get out of bed.   I remember when I was a little girl hearing my mom tell a story about my aunt.  My aunt would call her, late at night, to talk.  In the course of their conversation my aunt would say, ‘I just don’t know why I’m so tired.’  My mom would say, ‘what are you doing right now?’  ‘Mopping the kitchen floor,’ my aunt would cry.  My mom, in her usual practical way, would respond, ‘well, go to bed.’ 

I have always thought this was marvelous advice.  When you wake up and worry, do not leave your bed and start cleaning your house!  This will only make it worse.  You will be tired and worried the next day.  Never leave your bed!  We have nightime for a reason and that reason is slumber. 

Of course, there are different things that can happen through the course of the night, which would require getting out of bed.  If your child throws up or wets the bed, get up.  If your baby is actually awake and screaming, get up.  Home invasion, fire, flood, tornado, all of those mean you will have to get up.  My stay in bed advice is specific to Wake-Up-and-Worry Syndrome.  If everyone in your house is sleeping and all is basically well, sleep on!

Now, all of that said, you may be wondering why I am giving this particular lecture, this particular morning.  I am actually giving it to myself.  Because last night, I have to admit, for the first time in my life, I broke the rule!  I know, I know, it is crazy, but last night, for the first time ever, I left my bed for a reason that did not involve fire, home invasion, or even Tiny Baby.  When I woke up and began to worry, I got up.  I left my bed to fish underwear and socks out of the dryer for my husband. 

Before you find yourself thinking it was noble, or done out of love, it was not.  It was done out of pure shame.  I did it because I didn’t want him to go into the laundry room in the morning and see how messy and piggish it is in there.  I didn’t want anyone else to see it but me.  Sad and pathetic, but true. 

So this morning, I am tired, and still worried about laundry.  My efforts were of course, fruitless, as they always are when you break your own cardinal rule.  I write this as a reminder and a pledge to myself.  Barring unusual circumstances, tonight when I Wake-Up-and-Worry, I will not leave my bed.  I will nurse the baby, close my eyes, and go back to sleep!