Ten Important Current Issues and My Very Important Opinions

The time has come for me to formally address several of the significant issues of the day. I have been lounging around, blithely guzzling Diet Pepsi, perfecting my bum-sitting while I could, nay, SHOULD have been expressing my opinions ignorantly and forcefully on key issues surrounding me and my community. The bum-sitting will end! (temporarily, most likely)

I must take a stand! (metaphorically speaking)

Are you ready? Brace yourself! Everyone sit down and stand back! (or vice versa…whatever)

1. Yoga Pant/Stretch Pant/Leggings as Pants debate and whether or not they are modest.

They are pants. They are as modest as pants can be.  Wear them or don’t. For Pete’s sake, they are just PANTS! I don’t wear khaki, (personal rule #24) you don’t see me freaking out all over the internet!

Whew! I’m glad I got that out there. I feel tons better having got that off my chest. Especially about the Khaki, I’ve kept that in for a long time.

2. Vaccinate?  Does it cause Autism?

For myself and my kids: Yes. No.

For you and your kids? I have no idea.

Wow. Turns out I love expressing my opinion!

3. LGBT rights/marriage/etc.

I do not know why some people are gay and some are not. I do not know whether you are gay or not. I do not believe myself qualified to make any decisions about gays having no experience being gay. I am however, a person, and I do know how I would like to be treated. My plan is to treat other people this way. I do know some really great people who are gay and I have done business with them. This did not include baked goods. No one seems to want me to bake for money even though I make very nice baked goods. But not wedding cakes. I am not that good.

4. Vegans/Paleos/Vegetarians/Raw Fooders and all the rest of you bacon haters.

I do not understand you at all.

5. Exercise

I think you all know my position here. It is in my chair. On my bum.

6. Breast Feeding in Public

I know this isn’t the Hot Button issue it once was, in light of the all consuming Yoga pants debate, but I still have an opinion I would like to express.

If your baby is hungry in public, I would (and I would think anyone would) appreciate/beg you to do whatever it takes to stop him/her from crying. I am against crying. I try not to do it, and I try not to let babies do it.

Am I missing anything here?? Just a minute, I’m going to check Facebook real quick….

7. OH right, 50 Shades of Grey.

EEEEWWWWW.

8. Parenting

Do your best. When you know better, do better. These are children, they need to be hugged, cleaned, fed, and educated. They do not need sarcasm, video games, or gum.

I hate gum. Nobody needs that crap. Go spit it out.

9. Guns.

I want one, but, given my line of work have felt reluctant to own one. I forget to shut the bathroom door all the time and Tim goes in there and throws my toothbrush in the toilet. When I can remember to shut that freaking door, maybe I can own a gun.

You do whatever you gotta do.

10. Politics and Religion

Yeah right! I’m not falling for that! Seriously, you think Barry Manilow fans are crazy……

In conclusion, I would like to state, for the record that:

I am against crime and for world peace. I support our troops, do not support bullying, am pro religious freedom and against bears.

Bears scare the crap out of me.