Mom-in-law, zero. My Dear Husband, one.

I have to post this.  I just have to.

But let me first apologize to my mother-in-law. 

Just in case what I am going to write might embarrass her.

I am married to a horrible man.  Yes, it’s true, I call him My Dear Husband, but he is rotten to the core.  Even back when I was dating him, I knew it.  I always tell my girls to plug their ears when Dad talks.  For those of you who don’t know him, the following story will shed light on his diabolical personality.

Now for the story.

For awhile now, mom-in-law and I have been discussing Christmas.  We have been talking about whether or not we’ll be at her house or ours and the fact that our Aunt That We Love is coming.  We have talked everything over on the phone and face-to-face numerous times.

Last week, we also started talking about New Year’s Eve.  Mom-in-law told me that chances are no one else from the family is going to be around that night so we should probably just do whatever we want and make our own arrangements.  I relayed that information to Dear Husband.

So, last night I am standing in mom-in-law’s kitchen and she calls me over to the chair, where she is sitting, slowly rocking.  I notice that she has a really strange look on her face.  She says to me, very quietly, in an overly calm, whispery voice, “You know that we are going to be at our house on Christmas Day, right?”  She is kind of talking through her teeth, like maybe she’s gritting them.

I look at her, feeling confused, and say, “Of course.  You are going to be here, right?”

She begins to try to explain that My Dear Husband has told her something.  Something about us making “other arrangements for Christmas Day.”

I look at my husband who is standing innocently by the refrigerator and I instantly know what is going on.

“You know he’s lying, right?” I say.

I am still studying the look on my mother-in-law’s face (her eyes are unusually bright blue) and I realize she is fighting back some real anger here.  I laugh.

“Don’t listen to him, he lies,” I repeat.

Poor mom-in-law is sort of sputtering at this point and manages to say something along the lines of, “he got me.”

Turns out my evil husband had told her that we thought she was going to be visiting Sister-in-Law on Christmas Day.  Too bad for her, we had already made “other arrangements” for Christmas, since she had told us she wouldn’t be around.

ARGH!!  Evil man!

To tell the truth, to be absolutely honest, (the opposite of My Dear Husband), I have to admit I found myself chuckling over it a few times today.

He really made her mad.  He really, really got her.