Welcome to another installment in our oh-so-helpful “How to” series.
Today’s How To will address Cleaning Your House.
In the interest of Honesty, you should know my house is not clean at this writing. It is messy. I am at this moment looking at my floor where there is: 1 towel, 3 couch cushions, 5 shoes, a Little People Airplane, a six year old who is not wearing pants, and a bottle of Aussie Hair gel.
Ok, I feel guilty, just a sec….
What I meant was, I am looking at a clean living room where there is a fully dressed six year old playing with,
OH MY HECK!
He was definitely not playing with a Sharpie and his sister’s 400 million dollar, 15 pound AP biology book.
ok, so he was. But he was wearing pants.
Crap. What the H happened to Tim’s pants?
Just a sec…
Ok, so, both Nick and Tim are wearing pants, and do not have anything like….um…forks….
NO FORKS.
There are no forks in my living room.
There are no pantless boys in my living room.
Just one more sec, I hear splashing.
Well, I suppose it would have been a better idea to put the hair gel up a bit higher. Tim tossed it and a hairbrush into the toilet.
Nick is not wearing pants…
again.
He says his pants are stupid. One sec….
Ok, so, apparently, the red sweatpants with the stripe are ‘stupid’, but the blue ones are ok.
where do you suppose he left the red ones?
one sec….
ok, so here we are and two things have become painfully apparent:
1. This is why I don’t have time to blog.
and
2. If you want a clean house…
LIVE ALONE!
No cats, no fish, no birds, no kids, no husbands, no friends, no dogs, no plants, no chickens, no daycare, no nothing.
If it’s alive, don’t let it in.
And that concludes today’s ‘How To’.
Thank You for tuning in. Next time:
How To find/buy non-stupid pants and convince boys to wear them.
Or
How to keep hair gel out of your living room.
