Today, I’m going to offer some advice on parenting your older child. I, in fact, have 3 children, who are all considered, by law, to be adults. They are allowed to vote (heaven help us) and move out (fingers crossed). By older, I do mean over 18. I’m not going to count the 16 year old for the reason that I found her and her bff pretending to be sumo wrestlers and wrestling in the front yard of the bff’s house.
I have stumbled into some realizations concerning the parenting of 3 of my kids whom I have not caught dressed as sumo wrestlers. I will impart this wisdom to you. You are welcome.
1. Don’t ask Hard questions. There are lots of questions you may have as your children become older. Questions like, “When are you going to get a job?” “When are you going to get a REAL job?” “ARE you going to get a job? Any job?” “Would you like to move out?” “WHEN are you going to move out?” “Are you EVER going to move out?” “What are you going to do with your life?”
Here’s my advice. Don’t ask. You don’t want to know. You THINK you want to know, but what you really want to do is HEAR the answers you want to hear, for example:
“When are you going to get a job?” Your child is either going to say, eyes rolled deep into the back of their head, and exasperated tone set to HIGH:
“I’m TRYING, Motherrrrrr!”
or
“Mom, being in a band IS a real job!”
And, if you’re lucky, these ‘answers’ could be followed by a long explanation of how you are old and they are young and there’s no way you could possibly ever, ever, ever, truly understand what they are going through and what the world is like today.
What they are NOT going to say is;
“Mom, I deeply value your wisdom and opinions, and I have, in fact, just come into this room to tell you, that I have obtained an amazing real job that pays well, and have also rented an apartment that is not too far away with it’s own washer and dryer, and I would like to thank you for being the best mom ever and here’s a gift card to DSW to show my love and appreciation.”
2. Don’t ask Easy questions. “What did you do last weekend?” You may innocently believe that your child is having weekends like a normal person and that you are ‘just trying to make conversation’. You are mistaken. Adult children do NOT have weekends like normal people and they will a) Tell you truthfully what they were doing and your brain will be scarred forever, b) Lie, and you know they are lying and you will lie awake night wondering what the crap they are really doing or c) Roll eyes and engage exasperated tone and inform you that they are not CHILDREN, Motherrrrr, and you don’t have to grill them!
3. Don’t ask ANY questions. In my opinion, the best course of action regarding your older children is to hand them $20 when you see them, tell them you love them, and pray that God knows what he’s doing, I mean, YOU turned out ok, Right? These people will, most likely, reproduce some day and you want to see those darling little G-babies, don’t you? G-babies are your reward for keeping your children alive all those years. I do not have any little gran-babies myself, but I assure you, I am laying the groundwork for visitation with little questioning and lots of bribes.
In the meantime, my 16 yr old and her bff just traipsed through the house carrying a bed sheet, markers, and a wig. I think I may need to ask some questions…..
