Almost every time I leave my house, someone asks me if I am going to have anymore kids.
“Wow, cute girls. Are you done?”
“Five girls? Are you going to have anymore?”
“What a pretty baby. Is she your last one?”
“Five, eh? Ha Ha. Think you could be done? Ha Ha”
I have heard pretty much every single variation of this question.
If you think about it, it’s a pretty personal question for random grocery store/library/gas station chit-chat. Despite this, I usually try to chuckle and say something witty.
If it’s a bad day I say something along the lines of, “Oh, I could be.” (cynical voice) or
“You better believe it! Ha ha ha!” (again cynical or perhaps maybe more maniacal voice)
If it’s a good day I say, “Well, you never know. They’re pretty cute,” or
“I don’t know, I sure love my babies.” (followed by sweet mom smile and maybe a pat on the head of one of my girls)
But really, what I want to say, is “How the heck should I know” or “I sure hope God tells me it is,” or sometimes I just want to say something really polite like, “Bug off, nosy.”
Here’s how it is. When I decided to have Tiny Baby I was really, really positive that she was my last one. I seriously went around chuckling the phrase, “Final Five,” to myself. And when I look at humongous pictures of myself 9 months pregnant with her, I definitely think, “No possible way am I doing that again.” And you would think that after staying up with her night after night and holding her all day, I would be able to say categorically, “Enough is enough.”
But frankly, I love my babies. They are delightful. They are super cute. No matter how bad they are all night, I find myself singing little love songs to them while I change their diaper in the morning. I ran across a few pictures of Miss 8 as a baby that I hadn’t seen for awhile, and I practically couldn’t breathe, I was so overcome with emotion. My own love for her terrified me.
How do I say goodbye to that? How do I say, I will never have another one of these little treasures?
It is a really hard phase of life to let go of.
So there you have it. There’s the answer. I have no idea. I’m not exactly saying I want another one. I’m not exactly saying I don’t. I’m just saying that if you think about it, that really is one heck of a question to ask a woman who’s just trying to grab her Diet Coke and get down to the elementary school on time.
I adore my monsters. But, I know the limits of my body and my sanity. We’re done. 🙂 But, it was a hard decision to come to, and I won’t lie…I cried. It’s almost like there was a period of mourning.
I don’t think I’ve asked you that one during any of our chats … it’s an individual thing … subject to change I think. I know we are done, I’ve known it since Mr. C was probably 2 or 3 and I’d done the single mom thing while Chris was sent to Iraq. Knock on wood … I love babies, I just love to have them visit and then I can give them back. It’s funny, I would rather watch other’s small kids now than when I had my own smallish children. I do have to say that all of your girls are pretty darn cute 🙂
Oh, I can relate. Even when at the Dr.’s office and the doc asked what we’d decided about birth control (what a horrible time to ask! When a woman is SO ready to be done with the current pregnancy!). I just sat there and cried and said, “Why would you ask such a thing right now?!?”
It IS a hard decision, and no matter which way you decide to go, you will have moments that you question your choice. AND, no matter your choice everyone around you will question it too. We are done, and I have stated that, but there are still people who then express they are so sad that we have stopped trying for a girl. (Just a note- I was never trying for anything other than a healthy baby every pregnancy; I seemed to have missed the memo that you have to keep going until you get at least one of each.)
Some people seem to expect me to continue trying until we have a boy. I’m thinking, how long should I try- for eternity? We’re a girl family, duh.
Oh, I TOTALLY get this feeling! After #6, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to do all that again. But he was so darn cute, and I love babies so much, that I was pretty sure we’d have at least one more. Then #7 has been the hardest baby of them all, the pregnancy was unbearable, and after I had her I weighed more than I did at delivery with 5 of the 7. I told my mom, “The only way I’m having another one is if God sends down a personal messenger to tell me!”. And yet, almost 3 years later, I see adorable little babies like Tiny Baby and think, “How sad to never have that again!”. But then I go home with 7 screaming kids to a filthy house and loads of laundry and a crazy grocery bill and think, “Why the heck did I even want one?!?” So, yeah, who knows!