A Little (or actually big) Problem

So, I have a problem.  I’ve been noticing it for awhile now, and I think I’m ready to share…..

Remember how Fat Happy Walking Baby didn’t sleep for the first 9 months of her life?  Well, during that time, I lost the power of speech.  Really, I did.  I would try to form sentences, but couldn’t think of half the words, or would unknowingly say the wrong words.

Here’s an example of a conversation with my dear husband during this time:

“Honey, would you please get the doggie lizard out of the, oh shoot, what’s the word, that cold place we stick the stuff we eat?”

“um, what?”

“You know what I meant, just get it out!”

“um, I have no idea what you’re saying.”

You can imagine that this was getting a bit on the frustrating side for all of us.

Well, it has recently occurred to me that this little problem has not cleared up.  I have had nearly 7 months of full sleep, and I am still having communicative disabilities.

Yesterday I called to set up a playdate for two of my girls while they’re off school.  I introduced myself and said how are you to the mom on the other end of the phone line. This simple statement resulted in 10 minutes of absolute confusion, interruptions, and complete conversational meltdown.

Finally the exasperated mom said, “I’m sorry, who is this???”

I explained again and thankfully, thank-ful-ly, she seemed to understand and the playdate was arranged without further chaos.

If you are thinking maybe this was the fault of the other mom, let me clear up your doubts with the following story.  (sorry Maren, I know you’ve heard this one…..)

Taco Bell.  I drive up and try to order with the following words, “I just want a plain old bean burrito.”

The drive thru worker completely freaked out and quizzed me for 5 minutes about what I really wanted and whether or not I realized their burritos have other ingredients besides just beans.

When I finally convinced her that was ok with me, I drove up to the window, where she grilled me about my knowledge of ingredients again, and I literally had to tug the burrito from her clutching fingers.

These are just a couple examples, but this is really getting to be a problem.  I really want to go to Victoria’s Secret for a fab fitting new bra, but I can’t because I know there is no possible way the person at the store will be able to understand what I want or even why I am there.

I need to call a carpet cleaner, too, but again, it’s probably going to be communicative chaos all over the place.

I am thinking the old saying about the baby sucking your brains out when you nurse them is all too true, but in my case, all five of the girls must have focused on the frontal lobe (Expressive Language) and the temporal lobe (Language comprehension).

Maybe I should have a shirt printed up that says something like,

“You can’t understand me, but be patient, I need to communicate.”

or “Listen with care.”

Or maybe just, “Be merciful.  I have lost the power of speech.”